


just the way we are (I like us)

by litteral_sunshine



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Cuddling, Fluff, Gay crisis, Holding Hands, Idiots in Love, M/M, Oops, Suga helps him, They are oblivious, background asahi, background daichi - Freeform, but he's an idiot, but it's cute, but not a lot, but only yams, maybe there's a lot anxiety, not in a sexual way - Freeform, sfw, soft tsukki, this is comfort, tsukki is smart, tsukki loves holding yams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:14:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26231749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/litteral_sunshine/pseuds/litteral_sunshine
Summary: Tsukishima and Yamaguchi hold hands a lot. Tsukki doesn't mind. Yams is scared he might give his feelings away. He does, but Tsukki is blind and doesn't notice. Yamaguchi worries a lot, so Suga tries to help. He wasn't entirely expecting the answers he got. Tsukki doesn't know how to express his love, but he tries. Yams is an actual angel.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 129





	just the way we are (I like us)

**Author's Note:**

> this is somewhat inspired by a work on here who's title I forgot, but it was a really cute idea  
> also my first work on ao3

Tsukki doesn't mind. He really, really doesn't mind. It's probably because Yamaguchis hands are soft, and warm. Maybe he just got used to it. Yamaguchi likes to hold his hand. Everywhere, everytime. When they go to school together, when they go to practice or leave to go home, when they go to a store or on the bus to a tournament. He first grabbed his hand when they were shopping and the crowd in the city was a little too big. Tsukki knows Yams isn't comfortable in crowds, so he wasn't surprised when he felt a soft hand in his own. If anything, he squeezed the hand slightly, just to let Yams know he was there and it was okay. It had felt nice and Yamaguchi had calmed down a little. Over time he did it more frequently. And Tsukki really, in all honesty, didn't mind at all.

Yamaguchi felt safer with the skin contact. Tsukki and him had been friends for so long, it wasn't weird, surely. They were close, right? Best friends hold hands all the time. Yamaguchi had a feeling that wasn't entirely true, but that was what he told himself everytime he reached out, everytime Tsukki quietly complied, squeezing his hand ever so gently, never once questioning. If he didn't like it, he would've said something. Right? Tsukki had always been vocal about things he didn't like, so there really wasn't anything to worry about. Then again, Yamaguchi felt stupid. He wasn't twelve anymore, like he had been the first time he grabbed Tsukkis hand. He should've grown out of it years ago, shouldn't have let it become a habit in the first place. Tsukki had always been very defensive about his personal space, even towards Yamaguchi himself. That's why he always felt bad about holding his hand. Yamaguchi was convinced Tsukki hated it. But he couldn't stop either, the warmth and the rough texture (especially after practise, or when his fingers had to be taped) had something familiar to Yamaguchi, something that made him smile and caused his heart to skip a beat everytime.  
He didn't want to stop. No matter how bad he felt, he needed the contact almost as much as air to breathe.

Still, he couldn't help but wonder if it was really okay. He probably should've asked a lot sooner and felt stupid for not doing so, so he couldn't force the question out. But the next morning, when he reached out, he did hesitate. His hand stopped mid-movement, hanging in the air a bit uselessly for a second. Tsukishima looked down with a frown and reached out. It was the first time he inniciated the contact. Yamaguchi wanted to feel relieved. He wanted to see that a sign that Tsukki wanted to hold his hand. But all he could think about was that damn frown. Tsukki didn't like it, his brain screamed at him. You're taking advantage of him trying to be friendly! Yams lips curved downward on the way to school. He didn't say a single word.  
Tsukki glanced at Yamagichi every other minute. The silence wasn't usual and quite frankly, it worried Tsukki a lot. Yamaguchi usually wasn't shy around him which was something he had always took pride in. Still, he was worried about his friend to the point where his chest clenched and his brows knotted together. It took him all the way until dinner to shake the uneasy feeling.

The next morning, Yamaguchis hand twitched, but he didn't make any move towards Tsukishima. A new feeling took hold of Tsukishimas senses. The day before he had felt uneasy, but that didn't cut it remotely close today. The best way he could describe it was anxiety. Yamaguchi didn't look at him once on the way to school, which only fueled the thoughts in Tsukishimas brain. Had he done something wrong? Why was his best friend acting this way? Was he uncomfortable? Because of him? What could he do to make him fell better? His first instinct was to reach for his best friends hand, but Yamaguchi had hesitated the day before and maybe it was not a thing for them anymore? Did Yamaguchi not enjoy the physical contact anymore? What had changed? Mabe he had simply grown out of it.  
Nontheless, the thoughts wouldn't leave his head all day long.

Tsukki had been out of it all day and Yams noticed. How could he not have? There was a constant frown on his face, more pouty than usual, more distressed. He fidgeted in his seat and couldn't pay attention to a single class. But the worst was practice. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima hadn't spoken a single word all day, both too worried and too scared and too lost on what to actually say. Tsukishima couldn't concentrate. He barely reacted to the balls being shot his way, couldn't bring his body to move where he wanted, not with an image of Yamaguchi shaking in panic and crying on his brain. And that image had been stuck since lunch break. Yamaguchi wasn't much better. His coordination was absolutely pathetic. He missed the ball more times he could count, too distracted with his own thoughts or with looking over Tsukishima, seeing his eyebrow twitch like he flinched away from an unpleasant thought. He barely registered Suga calling out his name. "Yamaguchi?" A gentle hand on his shoulder brought him out of his trance. He turned around with an apologetic smile. "S-sorry, what were you saying?" Suga shook his head slightly. "Are you feeling alright? You've been more quiet than usual." He rubbed his neck nervously. "Ah... There's a lot on my brain today. Sorry!" Suga sighed and dropped his hand. "If you say so... Why don't you come to my place after practice? I'll make some dinner and we can talk?" Yamaguchi nodded after a second. "Thank you, Sug-" A loud thud echoed through the gym, followed by a yelp, a louder thud and more yelling. Suga and Yamaguchi turned to look.

Tsukishima blinked up towards the ceiling. The back of his head pounded, his nose ached and his arms spread out on either side of his body. A volleyball landed next him with a soft thud. He could make out Daichi and Asahi leaning over him and hurried footsteps coming towards them. There was warmth on his face. He lifted a shaking hand to touch just above his lips. Red blood coated his fingertips- his nose was bleeding. "Fuck." His voice trembled as much as his hand. "Tsukishima are you okay?" Asahis voice sounded dull. "I'm so sorry!" Daichi looked truely sorry. Suga appeared above him as well, worry written all over his face. "I'll get a tissue!" He hurried away again. A strong hand on his back helped him sit up- it was Daichis. Tsukishima looked around. Yamaguchi stood a few steps away, his eyes wide in shock. His eyes focused on Yams hands. Soft, warm, reassuring, calming. He wanted- he needed to hold them. Right now. Tsukishima never realized how much he had gotten used to it. But right now, sitting on the ground, blood running down his nose, he needed that touch so bad he felt like he would combust if he didn't feel that hand in his right now. And Yamguchi was so far away, he couldn't reach for his hand. It felt like torture.

He had to go sit down for the rest of the practice, water bottle almost untouched in one hand, the other palm up resting on his knee. It felt like an eternity before he and Yamaguchi would go home together. Tsukishima didn't even hear Daichi calling to clean up. But he did notice Yamaguchis shoes - why he recognised them, he didn't know, but he chose not to question it. He looked up. "Uh..." Yams nose twitched nervously and it was too cute to be fair. "I'll- I'll go with Suga today." He said quietly and Tsukki felt his heart sink. "W-what?" God, why did he sound so weak?? "He wanted to talk with me about something." Yamaguchi explained, shifting his gaze to the side. "Oh... okay. I'll go home alone, then." Tsukishima blinked up at his best friend. This shouldn't hurt so much. Yamaguchi nodded and turned to leave. "Have fun." This really, really shouldn't hurt this much. He watched Yamguchi und Suga leave.  
He was jealous. He was angry.  
He felt lonely.

Suga watched Yamaguchi fidget in his seat. He sighed and put his spoon down. "What's wrong, Yamaguchi?" he asked over the soup before him. Yamaguchi sighed as well, slowly lowering his spoon. "I- I miss him." Suga arched an eyebrow. "Who do you miss?" Another sigh, a sad one. "Tsukki. I miss Tsukki." Suga blinked twice. "What?" Yamaguchi closed his eyes. "I mean, I miss how we used to be. I- We hold- well... we held hands all the time, it was nice. His hands are warm, and safe." He opened his eyes to look at his hands. "I miss the feeling of it. But Tsukki doesn't like skin contact a lot. And I- I never asked if it was okay. I think he hates it." Yamaguchi looked up at Suga. "He hates me." Suga stared for a moment. "Whoa, whoa. slow down." He put one hand on top of Yams. "I'm sure he doesn't hate you. He would have said something if he didn't like it. He looked really worried today, even before he got a volleyball in his face. He probably misses it too." Yamaguchi looked up. "You think so?" He sounded so vulnerable. "I'm sure." Suga replied, voice gentle, but confident. "He looked at you throughout the entire practice." Yamaguchis face lit up a little. "He did?" Suga nodded. "Do you like him, Yams?" The other boy looked away. "Well, we've been friends for so long- I care about him a lot, we're best friends so natura-" - "Do you LIKE him, Yams?" Yamaguchi stopped and blushed slightly. "I- I mean- maybe?" Suga smiled softly. "I- I just like holding his hand. We've done it so long, it's a habit! He calms me down, and makes me feel safe and warm inside-" He gasped. "Oh god." Suga chuckled. "Oh dear god I-" Yamaguchi swallowed. "I love him." Suga nodded. "Yes, you do."

"YOU KNEW?!" Suga shrugged. "I thought you knew?" Yamaguchi shook his head. "Oh god does anyone else know??" Suga hesitated a little. "Well... we all kind of... suspected it?" Yamaguchi slumped down in his seat and burried his face in his hands. "Oh god." Suga sat up a bit straighter. "But it's fine, really! It's not like we hate you or would kick you out or something." Yamaguchi looked up again. "Thanks, but that's not what I'm worried about right now." Suga looked at him in question. "How do I tell him, Suga? How- How am I supposed to explain that to him?!" Suga laughed this time. "Just tell him. I promise he won't hate you."

The next day, Yamaguchi waited nervously in front of his house. He had practiced the entire night and his nerves were running wild. When he saw Tsukishima down the street, he walked up to him. "Yams?" Tsukishima looked at him confused. Yamaguchi looked up at the bandaid on his best friends nose. "How... How was it with Suga yesterday?" Yamaguchi closed his eyes. "I want to hold your hand." Tsukki blinked, his chest swelling. "What?" He was dumb. But it was with Yams, so it was okay. "I want to hold your hand. All the time. I like it. I- I like you. I mean, I really like you. You- You're so pretty, I always stare. I can't help it! And you make me feel safe and- warm inside. That's why I like to hold your hand. It makes me feel warm inside and my heart beats faster and I feel like nothing can get to me. I'm so glad that I know you and I'm so glad that I can hold your hand and I wished I would never have to let it go! I just- I don't even want change anything about us! I like us. Just the way we are. But I- I want to do more than just hold your hand. I want to pull you in and I want to hug you close and I want- I want to kiss you!" He took a deep breath, the words rushing out so fast, not giving him a break. "I really, really want to kiss you." Tsukki stared at him, dumbstruck. This was not what he had expected. He felt his chest rising and sinking, felt warmth in his cheeks, felt his hand reaching out, without actively trying to.

He took Yams soft hand in his. It was warm and familiar and everything he ever wanted. "T-Tsukki?" Yams looked up. He looked like a lost puppy, waiting to be picked up and it was too much for Tsukki. So he pulled on his hand, his free one gently touching Yams jaw, tilting his face just a little higher and then he leaned down, down, his eyes closing. His lips were soft. He tasted like vanilla and something sweet. Tsukki felt a surprised gasp against his lips and then arms around his own waist, pulling him closer. It was perfect.


End file.
